Tips for Effective Co?Parenting in the Digital Age

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The Invisible Load of Parenthood

Have you ever noticed that in shopping malls, it’s usually mothers accompanying their kids for shopping? In play areas, you’ll mostly see moms watching over their children. At school functions, it’s often the mother who never misses the party or any gathering. At home, it’s usually the mother helping with studies, dressing, and making sure the children have eaten properly. While it’s not always the case, the ratio is significantly high—especially when we talk about Pakistan where we have overlooked the concept of shared-parenting-in-digital-age.

This pattern compelled me to talk about the topic in today’s blog. On one hand, we are living in an era of digitalization—AI is everywhere, and life is moving faster than ever. But childhood won’t wait, and neither will the responsibilities of parenting.

When we talk about parenting, we’re not referring to any specific gender—it’s a neutral term. That’s where the idea of shared responsibility for parents comes in. Today, despite the progress we’ve made, parenting roles are still often unequal. Mothers are still largely considered the sole person responsible for raising children.

The Evolving need of Shared Parents in the Digital Age

There has been some shift over the past few years. In the past, especially in Pakistani society, men were primarily responsible for earning and providing for the family. Women were seen as the main caregivers. They were expected to handle child-rearing alone. Over time, development and various empowerment initiatives have helped women step into professional roles. Now, they work side by side with men. And that’s a great step forward.

We often forget that as women begin sharing the responsibility of earning, the old idea must evolve. The notion of the mother as the sole caregiver needs to change. Parenting Responsibility should now be shared equally between both parents—regardless of their work schedules, income, or availability.

It’s a fact that whatever we do as parents is ultimately for our family’s happiness and well-being. The goal is to ensure our children grow in a way that meets the needs of the times. They should develop properly in moral, physical, social, and emotional aspects. And this can only happen when both parents are actively involved in parenting.

Parenting as a team

Today we’re talking about parenting as a team, or we say shared-parenting-in-digital-age. When we say, “as a team,” we’re talking about accuracy, reinforcement, and collaboration—working together to raise children better. Many couples already say they’re parenting as a team. But behind closed doors, this so-called team often has one captain and one occasional player.

In South Asian culture—and even in many modern dual-income families—the mother still bears the brunt of emotional labor. She is responsible for remembering school projects. She also books doctor appointments and manages countless other tasks related to the children.

Why there is lack of Shared Parenting

There are multiple reasons for parenting imbalance, as it varies from person to person and couple to couple. While it is an individual’s responsibility to take ownership of parenting, there are still underlying causes behind this imbalance. I want to shed light on some of them below.

Unequal parenting responsibilities are often linked to:

Traditional gender roles and norms

WE have observed that in our society mothers as the default parents. Various development practitioners have introduced terms like gender mainstreaming, gender in development, and equality and equity. They aim to challenge this mindset and promote women as equals to men. However, progress has been slow. The issue still exists. According to the , women in South Asia spend over five times more hours than men on unpaid care work. These numbers reinforce how traditional expectations shape modern parenting roles, often to the detriment of mothers’ well-being and professional growth.

Workplace pressure

This is another factor contributing to shared-parenting-in-digital-age. We often notice that fathers may feel justified stepping back due to demanding jobs. Meanwhile, mothers juggle both work and home. It’s usually the mom who sacrifices. In case a decision needs to be made about who should quit their job, it’s mostly the mother. If the mother travels to another country for work, she often struggles with balancing her job. Parenting duties add to the challenge.

lack of communication and discussion

There is often a lack of communication and discussion around the equal distribution of roles between couples. In some cases, we’ve even seen women willingly accept this imbalance. They prefer to stay at home contrary to the concept of shared-parenting-in-digital-age. So, bringing about behavioral change takes time.

Pressure from family structures and society

In Asian culture, there’s pressure from family structures and society. It’s culturally ingrained. If a dad is seen caring for kids while the mom is working, society looks down upon it. It is even treated like a sin. This kind of societal pressure leads to unequal shares of responsibility.

Many organizations consider themselves champions of gender equality. However, the staff ratio isn’t 50/50. Additionally, policies are often not flexible enough to accommodate more women.

Educational institutions also contribute to this mindset

Educational institutions also contribute to this mindset. They often treat mothers as the sole contact for anything related to their children’s education rather than considering shared-parenting-in-digital-age. I’ve seen mothers’ groups discussing homework and school matters, while fathers’ groups are rare. During COVID, I heard teachers asking students, “Is your mother around?”—never asking about the father, or simply saying, “Are your parents around?” When your kids return home from school, listen to them. They often say, “My teacher told me to ask Mama to do this or that.” This creates yet another layer of pressure, pushing mothers to stay on the front line.

This imbalance isn’t just unfair—it’s unsustainable. this lack of shared-parenting-in-digital-age is affecting children in multiple ways.

What Kids Miss When Parenting Isn’t Shared

Children Thrive with Both Parents Involved

As we’ve seen, children truly enjoy the company of both parents. You can ask as many kids as you want. You’ll hear the same answer. Even if they love one parent more, they still desire to be with both. They want to feel loved and cared for by both. When both parents are engaged, children benefit immensely and grow up more balanced. Here’s what they may miss out on when one parent is less involved:

Kids Mirror What They See at Home

Kids learn from what they see. If only the mom is active, it sends the message that nurturing isn’t a man’s role. This message perpetuates the same traditional path. This isn’t just a present-day issue; it affects generations. If, as a father, you’re not being responsible, you’re indirectly teaching your son to be the same. If you take on every responsibility alone as a mother, you may teach your daughter unintentionally. She may not expect shared parenting in her future.

Shared Parenting Creates Emotional Security

Kids feel more secure when both parents are involved. Their routines feel safe and predictable.

Children Need Different Parenting Styles

Children also need diverse connections to learn and express their feelings. Moms and dads nurture in different ways. Children raised by both parents receive a more well-rounded upbringing.

One-Sided Parenting Affects Mental Health

Mothers who consistently nurture and care for children often experience depression due to multitasking and workload. In Asian cultures especially, mothers rarely get any “me time.” A refreshed mind nurtures refreshed minds. If either parent is mentally exhausted, it directly impacts the child. Equal participation in parenting can truly make a difference.

Solo Parenting Misses Key Moments

Children raised mostly by one parent tend to miss out on many moments and experiences. It’s not easy for one person to always be present. These children may develop feelings of complexity or low self-esteem.

The Blame Game Hurts Families

In many Asian households, a blame game eventually surfaces. Fathers taunt mothers, saying, “This is how you’ve raised them,” when a child misbehaves. They ignore the fact that the mother sacrificed her own well-being and mental health to raise the children. In contrast, the father enjoyed his job, friends, and freedom. And in the end, the mother is unfairly labeled as a “bad mom.” This is another pressure many mothers share when they speak openly about their struggles.

Parenting is a Team Effort in the Digital Age

Parenting is not a one-person job. A baby cannot be formed in the womb without the contribution of both parents. Similarly, the upbringing of that child should be a shared responsibility. When both parents are equally involved, they create a better version of themselves. Their children are prepared to thrive in the challenges of the digital era. They also embrace the opportunities offered by it.

Children truly enjoy the company of both parents. You can ask as many kids as you want, and you’ll hear the same answer. Even if they love one parent more, they still want to be with both. They want to feel loved and cared for by both. When both parents are engaged, children gain immensely and grow up more balanced. Here’s what they miss out on when one parent is less involved:

Shifting the Mindset: Fatherhood Is Not a Favor

In our society, a father’s involvement is often considered a favor. We hear people say things like, “Oh, he’s doing this or that for the kids”—as if it’s something extraordinary. We need to change this mindset and embrace the idea of equal responsibility.

Co Parenting Over “Who Does More

If both parents are doing a task, it’s not about who is doing more or less—it’s about shared responsibility. Father involvement isn’t a favor or something optional. It’s a basic parenting duty. He is just as responsible for raising the children he helped bring into this world.

Practical Ways Dads Can Step Up in Parenting

Here are some practical ways dads can step up. These are simple yet meaningful actions fathers can take to ensure their presence and fulfill their parenting role:

 Take Turns and Share the Load Early

Take turns managing the children. For instance, if the mom is on maternity leave, the dad is working during that time. After office hours, it’s the dad’s turn to take care of the baby. The earlier this habit begins, the better.

 Domestic Duties Are Life Skills, Not Gender Roles

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other domestic chores should be equally shared. These aren’t gender-based tasks—they are basic life skills.

Equal Participation in School and Activities

For school pick-ups and drop-offs, PTMs, and other activities, if both parents can’t attend together, they should take turns. This way, children see that both parents are equally caring and involved—and they’ll grow up modeling the same habits.

Make Language and Systems Gender-Inclusive

As a society, we must be mindful of gender-sensitive language. For example, school communications shouldn’t always be addressed to mothers only. This small change can have a lasting impact. Fathers should also be included in WhatsApp groups or discussions about schoolwork and parenting.

Respect Mothers’ Need for Career and Me Time

Mothers have the right to equal opportunities in the job market, and they also deserve time for their own well-being. Giving birth and nurturing children impacts a woman’s health—acknowledging that includes supporting her right to “me time.”

Emotional Presence Matters Just as Much

Both parents should participate in emotional coaching sessions and openly talk to their kids about feelings and parenting. Even a weekly informal reflection can go a long way.

Plan Parenting Together—From Weekends to Tech-Free Time

Mutual planning and agreements should be made for all child-related activities—weekends, playdates, birthday parties, study hours, movie nights, and more. Parents should also initiate tech-free bonding moments like biking, board games, or gardening.

Father Involvement Builds Stronger Family Bonds

It’s very important to understand that when both parents actively participate—especially fathers—they don’t just support the mother. They also build stronger bonds with their children and deepen their role in the family.

How to Rebalance Parenting– Shared Parenting in Digital Age

  • Start conversation around the topic. Discuss tasks without blaming each other. Use tools like the “Fair Play” method or shared calendars, WhatsApp group, or whatever suits you well.
  • Enlist all parenting tasks. Include not only physical tasks but also emotional, moral, and financial ones. Divide them based on availability, skills, and responsibility—not as per gender.
  • Shared apps like Cozi, Google Calendar, or Trello help divide and track parenting duties.
  • Screen time apps like Family Link should be managed jointly, and parents’ presence with kids will make it useful.
  • Dedicate some time each weekend to reflect on the past week and to review the upcoming week’s parenting tasks. Consider it as your prime job, as you are responsible for nurturing wise minds who will be part of society.
  • Appreciate each other for minor tasks even if one is not available. A simple “thank you for taking care of that” goes a long way. Gratitude fuels teamwork.

Parenting in a Digital Age Requires Both Parents

In today’s world, raising kids doesn’t just involve teaching them good habits. It also means helping them do well in education, behave properly, and respect others. It’s about guiding them on how to navigate digital traps safely. It’s important to manage their tech exposure. Additionally, building resilience helps them cope with a changing and overstimulated world.

The modern parenting challenges need modern and joint solutions. Teaching your child how to be a good person must be addressed by both parents. It includes how to behave and how to use ChatGPT ethically. Setting YouTube boundaries or planning screen-free Sundays are also essential.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is never about perfection. It’s about struggles, equal responsibility, and being there when children need their parents. Children will remember who showed up when they needed us. Kids grow well when both parents lean in—not only logistically but also morally and emotionally.

When both parents lean in—not just logistically but emotionally—kids thrive. So let’s stop treating parenting like a one-person show. There’s often a backup actor who has the tag of being a parent but rarely shows up. Instead, let’s try to raise the Alpha kids and digital minds with both hearts and hands fully in. Today’s generation is tomorrow’s champions.

When both parents are there for children as a team, it isn’t just better for moms and dads. It’s a joy for both and a win for the kids too. Let’s change as a society. We should ensure that our language is not gender-biased. We must also make sure that we are not biased in fulfilling responsibilities.

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Share Your Story

How do you and your partner share parenting responsibilities? What challenges have you faced? We’d love to hear your journey in the comments below!

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